The Drop Bear

recently i have been promoted to position of designated wing man after a good Friend of mine split with his missus. so to get him back on the horse we've upped the anti to our nights out and over the past 4 - 5 weeks our residential drinking area has been located in a bar on the boardwalk of darling harbour called Cargo Bar nice place and if your in the area i suggest you check it out. However since this change of scenery i have come to grips with the fact that the majority of bars and clubs management have been taken over by a radical movement of lesbian feminist Nazi's who personally see to it that only boobs may enter their places of business. its a new world out there and girl power is the theme.

to be honest it sucks, it sucks the big one that a guy cant go out for a beer with his boys. I call for equal opportunities..I call for equal rights...I have a dream that one day all people may enter a bar as equals.

it seems to me that Boobs have become the permission slips of bars and clubs if you come without your boobs the bus leaves without you and you have to sit outside with all the other boobless schmucks and the crazy kid who always seems to be eating glue. in rare occasions a note from your boobs may allow you admission but its a long shot to say the least

DEAR Nazi Lesbians

our apologies for Martinez's absence of boobs. We ask that you please excuse Martinez of his boobs and even though he is boobless ask that you allow him permission on the excursion to drunk town. we apologise for our absence however we are unable to accompany him due to prior engagements but rest assured we are their in spirit and most certainly in Martinez's mind. lots of love .

signed Martinez's Boobs

on arriving at Cargo Bar it took all of 3 seconds to realise that we were not getting in on account of showing up with one too many Y chromosomes which kinda pissed me off a little but what can you do its a woman's world and I suppose they were right how dare we show up with only our members in our hands don't you know that your in spice world now, its girl power motherfucker.

in any case we struck a truce with two girls who were passing by to accompany us pass the Nazi's defences and into the bar and we would buy them any drink they wanted and they could be on their merry way they agreed and we entered. we got to the bar thanked them again and asked them what they would like


um I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for you decide

how about a vodka cruiser or something

um nah

martini???

no

beer???

uh uh

yager bomb???

oh I'm so sick of them

oh good God woman!

as you may have guessed these two were not the brightest sparks in the circuit so consequently this went on for sometime until we eventually got around to the drink of all drinks the drop bear

i have been marketing the drop bear for roughly a year now in the hope of building its cred though i have always been hesitant of introducing it to the female species for it is not the regular vodka and kisses girly tea party drink. not to be sexist but its an acquired taste mainly to drunken idiots who have lost their sense of taste and will to live.

the drop bear is the product of a joke between a group of Friends that i met whilst on a contiki tour around Europe when i was 21. with most contiki groups there were roughly 50 people mostly Australian and American, over the course of the tour one of the Australian's decided to follow tradition and convince one of the Americans about the existence of drop bears and hoop snakes and what not.

now the chosen target was a stoner which is kinda cheating i know but he was the kinda stoner that wanted people to think he was smart and knowledgeable with his expanded mind and outstanding groovyness, the mere thought of a un heard of species had his mind expanding like a hot air balloon it was beautiful. In all honesty though it wasn't entirely his fault the guy delivering the web of lies was surprisingly convincing and kept a straight face about it for two straight weeks it was impressive but even more impressive than that was the attention to detail. The sound they make, size and origin this guy was a pro and i tip my hat to you Anthony

The drop bear according to Anthonys dictionary:

Member of the koala bear family nearly extinct due to extensive culling in the early 1800's. Black and brown in colour with sharp teeth and long claws, almost three times the size of a koala bear. the drop bear gets its name from its tendencies to drop from trees onto its prey emitting a screeching sound similar to that of the Nazgul in the movie lord of the rings rumours emerged that Peter Jackson witnessed the terrifying sound first hand last time he came to Australia and imitated it for his movie.

by the end of the tour the joke had gotten way out of hand and on the very last night that we were all together we decided to ease his suffering and fill him in on the situation. he did not take it to well so in memory of this poor bastards stupidity we created a drink in his honour. The drop bear

ingredients
Fosters beer
The only Australian beer that can be found in Europe is fosters the shit is every where and the funny thing is most Australians hate the stuff but that's not the point

Bundaberg rum
The bundaberg rum mascot is a polar bear and on top of that in a popular Australian commercial the polar bear pretends to be a drop bear to scare hot Swedish girls into hanging with the polar bears human mates...yes the polar bear has human mates why? i don't know..I just dont know.

Directions
fill a glass three quarters to the top with fosters beer
fill a shot glass of bundaberg rum
drop the shot glass into the glass of fosters and down the drink in one hit

4 drop bears please to which the bartender looked at me blankly. after explaining the drink to him he looked at me oddly for a second and then made it happen. We downed the drinks and the girls were not impressed, why would they be, they just slammed down a glass of Australia's shitest beer with a deviate polar bears rum inside.

don't you wish you had taken the Vodka cruiser now