Harsh Justice

I have found that sometimes in life you have to bend over and take the big one right up the old humble maker. A harsh reality to grasp and believe me i fought it down to the wire but in the end the whole not being a kid anymore and the expectation to act as such comes into play and all hope is apparently lost. This was a very hard concept for me to accept.

For as long as I can remember I have had this on going persistence to stand for what is right. of course what that means is to stand for what in my opinion is right and to be as stubborn and passionate about it as humanly possible, so much so that it far surpasses what is socially and relationally acceptable. never the less no matter what the circumstance or outcome you stand your ground and fight the good fight.

Pride is a funny thing

Growing up where I live was far from your classic ghetto scenario though trouble has a way of finding you when this particular program is written into your mainframe, something about the short kid with the big mouth attracted a beat down from time to time but in the mind of my 14 year old self a black eye was a small price to pay when I knew I was right. some macho bullshit right, classic case of male ego. I couldn't agree more but when your young you only know what you have been told and so you can only live from that of which you have been taught.

Still I remember the sense of justice and satisfaction from upsizeing someones head after trying to steal your girl or your candy. Recent studies have shown that primal instincts will always take over when there is a woman or sugar involved, that shit is serious.

Evidently as you get older and a little more wiser your duelling gloves are often retired and the need to throw an opponent down the gauntlet is kept at bay by words of a diminutive and degrading nature, harsh staring contests, relentless gossiping and rumour spreading until the target develops an eating disorder. you might say that mentally 15 year boys eventually mature into 15 year old girls.

on the other hand old habits are hard to kick.

I love music and I have a tendency when driving from A to B to crank it which leads to an extravagant display of semi retarded body movement in the form of air drums and/or air guitar. In my time on this earth I have noticed that When the music is your guide you lose all sense of what is hot and what is not.

Upon having one of my patented musical exorcisms a glance to my right revealed an eshay and his girlfriend pointing, laughing and being merry.Those un familiar with the term eshay, eshlad or esh anything I will enlighten your world.

A severe group of wannabe hard nuts that have infected the regions of Sydney's west. Age starting from as low as 14 they are easily spotted by not only there lidless eyes from all the pills they swallow to get down and boogie but from the ridiculous dress code: a white cap tipped so far up it would make a Rabbi jealous, followed by a striped to the side polo shirt with short tennis shorts and a wide range of coloured runners, which is multi seasonal I might add even in the middle of winter there is no change in stylist, gotta hand it to them on the commitment if nothing else. at any random time after 10:00pm packs of 11 to 12 of them roam the streets mugging and bashing people just like they see the cool people that they follow around do. You know the type mid thirty's still roaming the streets and hitting up high school party's because their tough, broke as hell with no future, but tough.

un doubtably you may have noticed that to begin with i was not a big fan but in their defence i would've looked like a dick so I smiled pointed to the sky with my one good finger and continued on my musical journey. to my surprise this did not go down well and the next 10 mins consisted of a fun filled adventure of tail gating, high beam flashing and excessive swearing. From what I could see of his white cap barely reaching over the steering wheel the little punk appeared to be enjoying himself.

I was but a couple of streets from my house and it seemed that my little eshay friend was having to good a time to move on with his life. I decided to pull the car over before reaching my house for I didn't particularly want this kid coming back to by place of residence, didn't think it was such a great idea. Denying my expectations of him yelling some more and driving off he decided to do a very silly thing. he pulled in behind me and got out of his car and charged straight at mine very tough indeed

but in doing so he also revealed his height, age and lack there of, at an educated guess he looked no older than fifteen but bearing green P plates meant that he was at least 18. go figure

I decided to not let my automobile of preference burden the fury of Daycare Edition Eshlad and stepped from my car to see what the dealio was (for the jury it should be noted I was a little mad at Mr tennis shorts by now ) fists clenched and in his best big boy voice little man changed his course of direction and headed straight for me. It would be a blatant lie if I said I expected any less, though I was noticeably older and slightly bigger than he was I am far from the definition of built and was well aware that I am about as intimidating as a stoned puppy on valentines day.

I can think now of all the cool things one can say in this situation "don't make me angry you wouldn't like me when I'm angry " or even " do you feel lucky Esh" but no body really says or even thinks these things but in hind sight dam it would've been sweet.

As he got closer I realised the kids already played this out in his head and in front of a mirror a thousand times since he was five and that the inevitable was going to happen.

The temptation to over dramatise the story into a 70's batman episode of BAM!!!!ZIP!!!!!KAPOWIE!!! in which a 15 second stint of me doing the swim over an unconscious felon is always on the cards daaaaa...nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna.

but no fraid not. He went down and my turn came to give him a righteous verbal serving of my own. but alas a "How do you like me now bitch" was nowhere to be found not even a "stay in school" nothing I froze. his eye's began to glaze and that high pitched squeak of a voice was silent. Case closed, a job well done only there was something missing. Where was the satisfaction? where was the justification of my previous self? gone like Britney Spear's innocence. it was a strange and new sensation for me and in all honesty I felt about the same gratification as if I had just punted a midget square in the crutch... which after much soul searching still remains surprisingly appealing.

I attempted a shrug of the shoulders apologised to the girl in his car and left completely dumbfounded by the change of emotions.A mass pondering session with a few friends of mine led only to give the conclusion that this must be how Spiderman and co feel. often a session of Spiderman or Superman left me quite frustrated due to the fact that Peter Parker could totally kick the crap out of that asshole giving him lip, your fricken Spiderman you don't need to play that crap identity or not that guys gotta go down. slightly over dramatic I know.

Fast forward to the present, an ongoing current situation has brought me much frustration and to make a long story short I am required to do something that goes against everything I'm used to. but I cant help but Imagine that if I follow tradition things will get much much worse.

To get a little serious on yo ass sometimes I feel that maybe as you get older shit that seemed to be such a big deal once doesn't seem to matter to you as much anymore. I was and will always be a proud cocky prick but sometimes maybe you gotta just suck it up for the sake of someone else.

I guess this means I have to get rid of my cape