I saw a guy fall down some steps yesterday HILARIOUS. its true, it happened and it was great, Truely amazingly random and an enjoyable experience for all (well except for the obvious). wasn't a huge staircase or anything just a 3 steps job. the initial slip, the tumble whilst still trying to remain balanced to the time he gave up and went limp for a perfect 0 points landing it was awesome and i cannot deny i laughed, i laughed pretty dam hard, to the point of tears and the loss of ability to walk in a normal and straight action even now as I'm writing about it i cant fight the smile back off my face. he had about 4 judges viewing the spectacle 1 of which disappeared for a giggle around the corner were as the other 2 decided to fight back the tears and aid his suffering whilst directing fake horrified faces at yours truly and the other guy for openly displaying that this mans big moment we had surely not missed.
"oh let the sun shine in" i understand the dude was down but i was just calmly walking to work when this kind soul decided to grace me with a ray of sunshine to start the day it would be somewhat ungrateful of me to just pretend that i saw nothing this was his time in the limelight his courage is to be rewarded with the joy of others besides its not like i stood right over his mangled corpse poking his open wounds with a pointy stick. if i were you i would enjoy it have a laugh share a point with me for next time it could be you and if you cannot find pleasure in the miss fortune of others how can you truly appreciate the attention you will receive when it happens to you
truth be told the guy was o.k a little embarrassed as to be expected got straight up as if nothing had happened. going in for a closer look at the spot he fell at and announcing his diagnosis as to why it happened is all part of the show. no body really cares my man it was just your time.
I have a theory
We need these things to survive. these little occurrences no matter how your feeling will always land a smile we have all witnessed these spectacles at least a couple of times in our life time a tumble here a walk into a pole there its gold, there is no joke no anecdote that even compares to the comedy that follows from a good old fashion trip in the head over the ass category. (at least not in my opinion, if you can look me in the eye and tell me you do not find it the slightest bit amusing then mister you are a better man then I) so in saying this maybe there is a little more to it lets look at what we know
people fall in and out of love everyday yes?? yes. we know of the adolescent angel with a heart on the end of his arrow that will target the very dairy air'ness of your life but yet we deny his existence because we have not seen him only the effects of his work but alas you have been fooled "that" is exactly what "they" wanted you to think just as i cannot see the wind i know that when a tree falls over it didn't just give up the ghost it was knocked over by an unexpected and unseen force.
i think it is safe to say that there are forces at work in this world other then what we can see or generalise as science and would be naive to think that cupid is alone is his quest.. just as love just happens so to do these little incidents so what can we conclude? i think its a rather obvious and terrifying reality.
there is another.... a whisper in the shadows, a low beam in the dark, a slippery point on an otherwise sturdy surface. only known as the destroyer of smooth first impressions he is a sworn enemy to those of the cool and suave nature Surprisingly the image of this seemingly mythological yet very real creature is as famous as it is cleverly disguised and what the FEDs don't want you to know is that a google search of the covert words" stop the pigeon" and a selection of the first link is actually the very same artists conception from an eye witness of the famous banana incident in 75 after the suspect was picked up in a bar outside Hanna Barbera airport the case was thrown out due to reasonable doubt.
he's out there people be afraid for one day you could find yourself slipping on nothing, being executed for treason or being hit in the crutch by a random object for no apparent reason what so ever.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hillsong
I must say i am down with free speech, i believe it can give a voice to the people and serves the rights and opinions of the intelligent and those involved in any situation.....sniff......God bless America...tear. seriously though free speech I'm for it. however it also gives a voice to the stupid, the ignorant, the red necked, the racist, the sexist, the all round cockheads who's opinions and ideas are as warped as there sense of right and wrong from which they can spew all kinds of accusations and theory's without evidence or proof claiming them as fact all in the name of "i am a cockhead and i have free speech for my grand father fought in the war so that gives me the right to piss all over everything he fought for" yes sir it is a free country you do have free speech and make no mistake about it you are by all definition a cockhead.
over a series of recent events i found myself feeling the need to jump into the corner of one Hillsong church something which came as quite a shock to myself for prior to this moment on the topic of Hillsong i would not be inclined to give a flying fox one way or the other yet now here i am ringside holding the spit bucket on fight night. For those unfamiliar with Hillsong their a successful church group grown from 45 people to a now tens of thousands of people in Australia alone they have also expanded into Europe, Russia, Ukraine and England, and are a Beacon to the pentecostal christian community but along with there success has come speculation from pretty much all accounts of people even some of there own kind so to speak, assholes from all over the land unite as one to put shit on a church its inspiring just absolutely inspiring (just google it you'll see what i mean)
allow me to explain i stumbled upon a forum debate about Hillsong and whether it was or was not a cult. never heard it being called a cult before seemed unusual but i was interested a friend of mine had jumped on the Hillsong band wagon so any kinda insider information i could use against them was a plus. as i began to scroll down i received a mixed bag of laughter and anger at the sheer stupidity of some of the statements made. one i was particularly fond of was:
"its a cult man they just want your money"
to which the reply came
" oh really why do you say that"
to a response
"a friend of mine went there and reckoned that.......... "
ah sorry can i stop you there maybe its just me but i really don't see the creditability of a statement that kicks of with my Friend said. a Friend of yours said so, shit argument over i apologise for ever doubting you. so you weren't actually there, you haven't really heard or seen anything from the other sides story your only source of information comes from the supporters of your own cause and you believe your statement to be fair why??? and besides that i was unaware of the fact that wanting your money classifies something as a cult Mc Donalds wants your money, they a cult? pick an industry any industry....they want your money! hell when i was 10 i would jump for joy when my grandparents came around because they always funded my vision for toys and candy does that then make me the member of a seedy bunch of depressive freaks robed in long white jump suits hell bent on drinking the magic cool aid, according to a little bit of research Hillsong is worth 10's of millions and there on the up with there own sales of books, music and Cd's not to mention financial backing of multi million dollar company's such as Gloria Jeans so why the hell would they want your measly 10, 20 maybe 50 dollars unless they actually believed that it was a godly thing to do in their religion, think about it.
oh but they have a big expensive building and pay no tax? um I'm not an expert but i have been to Rome and seen the popes crib its not a cardboard box and Ive seen sum mosques around and i don't think they were done on a budget champ despite the fact they are a big church with a lot of people its, now a crime for a man to be smart about how he runs a church that's right a church and the law is that a church can operate without being taxed because of its relevance and input into the community whether it needs it or not. the whole debate was filled with I'll bet that... and I heard that... and I know you are but what am I... it was some seriously high grade intellectual stuff
as far as i can see in every religion Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Mormon whatever the only other goal besides your own eternal salvation is others eternal salvation and your gonna pull these people down because they are good at what they do and actually believe and act upon what they teach. have you seen some of the stuff they do they pull the big gun preachers from all over the world and market their music worldwide put on festivals and stuff for kids and whether you believe it or not give a truckload of cash to various charity's everywhere but the reality is, that is none of your dam business...tool.
who says you cant run a church like a business seems to me like its relatively the same principles you want it to grow and expand and make money so you can then build sister buildings to grow and expand and so on, the circle of life continues. who gives you the right to say it shouldn't be done you go to church on Easter and on Christmas and that makes you a saint and scholar in the matter. so what their making money, good for them do you get mad at coca cola for making money just because you don't like their product? I haven't seen any blogs or forums about that vile injustice all though with dickheads like you out there its always on the books.
so tell me how much money have you given to charity this year, if you didn't have to pay tax would you and if you had that kinda money would you even give half of what they do???....hmm.....well i guess that is your Que to shut the fuck up then! freedom of speech and all.
over a series of recent events i found myself feeling the need to jump into the corner of one Hillsong church something which came as quite a shock to myself for prior to this moment on the topic of Hillsong i would not be inclined to give a flying fox one way or the other yet now here i am ringside holding the spit bucket on fight night. For those unfamiliar with Hillsong their a successful church group grown from 45 people to a now tens of thousands of people in Australia alone they have also expanded into Europe, Russia, Ukraine and England, and are a Beacon to the pentecostal christian community but along with there success has come speculation from pretty much all accounts of people even some of there own kind so to speak, assholes from all over the land unite as one to put shit on a church its inspiring just absolutely inspiring (just google it you'll see what i mean)
allow me to explain i stumbled upon a forum debate about Hillsong and whether it was or was not a cult. never heard it being called a cult before seemed unusual but i was interested a friend of mine had jumped on the Hillsong band wagon so any kinda insider information i could use against them was a plus. as i began to scroll down i received a mixed bag of laughter and anger at the sheer stupidity of some of the statements made. one i was particularly fond of was:
"its a cult man they just want your money"
to which the reply came
" oh really why do you say that"
to a response
"a friend of mine went there and reckoned that.......... "
ah sorry can i stop you there maybe its just me but i really don't see the creditability of a statement that kicks of with my Friend said. a Friend of yours said so, shit argument over i apologise for ever doubting you. so you weren't actually there, you haven't really heard or seen anything from the other sides story your only source of information comes from the supporters of your own cause and you believe your statement to be fair why??? and besides that i was unaware of the fact that wanting your money classifies something as a cult Mc Donalds wants your money, they a cult? pick an industry any industry....they want your money! hell when i was 10 i would jump for joy when my grandparents came around because they always funded my vision for toys and candy does that then make me the member of a seedy bunch of depressive freaks robed in long white jump suits hell bent on drinking the magic cool aid, according to a little bit of research Hillsong is worth 10's of millions and there on the up with there own sales of books, music and Cd's not to mention financial backing of multi million dollar company's such as Gloria Jeans so why the hell would they want your measly 10, 20 maybe 50 dollars unless they actually believed that it was a godly thing to do in their religion, think about it.
oh but they have a big expensive building and pay no tax? um I'm not an expert but i have been to Rome and seen the popes crib its not a cardboard box and Ive seen sum mosques around and i don't think they were done on a budget champ despite the fact they are a big church with a lot of people its, now a crime for a man to be smart about how he runs a church that's right a church and the law is that a church can operate without being taxed because of its relevance and input into the community whether it needs it or not. the whole debate was filled with I'll bet that... and I heard that... and I know you are but what am I... it was some seriously high grade intellectual stuff
as far as i can see in every religion Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Mormon whatever the only other goal besides your own eternal salvation is others eternal salvation and your gonna pull these people down because they are good at what they do and actually believe and act upon what they teach. have you seen some of the stuff they do they pull the big gun preachers from all over the world and market their music worldwide put on festivals and stuff for kids and whether you believe it or not give a truckload of cash to various charity's everywhere but the reality is, that is none of your dam business...tool.
who says you cant run a church like a business seems to me like its relatively the same principles you want it to grow and expand and make money so you can then build sister buildings to grow and expand and so on, the circle of life continues. who gives you the right to say it shouldn't be done you go to church on Easter and on Christmas and that makes you a saint and scholar in the matter. so what their making money, good for them do you get mad at coca cola for making money just because you don't like their product? I haven't seen any blogs or forums about that vile injustice all though with dickheads like you out there its always on the books.
so tell me how much money have you given to charity this year, if you didn't have to pay tax would you and if you had that kinda money would you even give half of what they do???....hmm.....well i guess that is your Que to shut the fuck up then! freedom of speech and all.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
We Were 1
o.k so heres the thing, working in the city has its advantages the opportunity's, the scenery, the bars, the music its all good however being an outsider from....you know....out there beyond the borders! There is one little in convenience in the transitional period known only as the city rail experience. Don't get me wrong beats driving and in all fairness it could go either way good or bad its all a fricken lottery. You by your ticket every time and when it just doesn't happen for you, you curse the gods and all that is evil in this world only to stand right back in line the next day with the expectation that this time would be different.
i'll see if i can set the mood for you
I'm sitting there awaiting the string of events to come from that hour trip into the promised lands, at each stop awaiting the new occupants almost trying to will the train that little bit further down the station to benefit the whole train experience. Oh she's pretty, c'mon u can make it, little bit more, that's it, that's i.....arggh DAM IT or oh God no! please no, not the school kids, have you no mercy stop stop ssttooppp!! if you are familiar with the whole city rail expierence you may relate
By this point between the haunting sounds of school children cackling and screaming as 15 year olds do best and the fact that there is not one creature that even remotely resembles that of an attractive human being within eye sight. I decided you know what! I can deal with it! the music in my ears is kicking and i can shut my eyes and all will be well. Right, ha wrong not today for today I repay my debt to society and take one for the team, today the world says you know what Martinez Fuck you!
As I sat there staring out the window trying to make the best out of the situation I couldn't help but look as the train rolled up to the next station and suddenly this over whelming feeling of insecurity began to arise inside of me that in some way, some how something was about to go down. Fear got the best of me in that moment and i just couldn't bare to look. Eyes held shut I feel the seat shifting from the weight of someone or something sitting down, When suddenly it hit me, Like a slap in the face. This horrible, sick nay evil individual
stunk
Yeah that's right! stunk, I guess maybe your a little disappointed huh, probably expecting a man with no head or some nightmare on elm st kinda shit from the build up and maybe your right, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but you know what, you weren't there! you didn't have to endure it! you know not of the demonic presence that filled that carriage on that dreadful morning! so bite me and for the record id take a run at Mr Kruger or share a seat with a headless accountant over what this guy was representing any day of the week.
But more concerning then the smell is the mind numbing anomaly of how?? how at 7:00 in the morning could someone be in such a state of pure evil?? what could he have possibly done? How man, How?
Maybe he was on his way to the station when he bumped into a marathon runner in training in which a heated argument arouse with the runner pulling out his duelling glove and challenging him to a race to the top of death mountain and being a man of honour he had to except?
wow, must be a hell of runner...wait his shoes ain't scuffed at all, I bet he never even ran up death mountain, probably cant even run at all. I have half a mind to slap this mofo for posing as some kinda athlete, pphh thinks hes got the whole world fooled. Ha not me though, Im on to you.....PRICK!
wait!
Maybe he works at the cologne and deodorant store and figures why pay for the merchandise when he can just apply the cologne compliments of the house when he gets to work?
I cant believe this guy, what a tight ass I gotta suffer so he saves himself some money man that's just selfish and stealing as well what a thief,what a selfish tight ass smelly thief.......PRICK!
oh hang on!
There is water restrictions and deodorant can cause damage to the ozone, cant it? maybe hes trying to save the planet, that's decent of him, I mean not driving to work, low on the water usage and ozone friendly like an environmentalist or something......PRICK
To be honest I really don't know what I'm suppose to do in this situation. There is no training for this, they don't teach you this stuff in school, I mean I always carry some back up cologne in my suitcase but i cant just spray it on him without his consent, besides I'm 99% sure his powers are far superior to that of este lauder's for men.
Damn it man you have to try something! So I did. I did what any self respecting citizen would do, in a move of desperation i quickly jump forward into my suitcase and began to spray myself saying loud enough
geez I nearly forgot. a man's gotta take care of his mojo you know
as the guy gives me a forced smile and nod i return with a
this is good stuff though, here you should try some, the ladies will love you.
BOOYAH I'm in, i did it, i actually found away t........No thank you. DAM IT DAM DAM SON OF A BITCH DAM IT TO HELL. I sank in to my seat, Bitter, crushed and defeated! all that was left was stop breathing and welcome the sweet relief of the light at the end of the tunnel.
As I began to turn purple, I begin to notice the faces of those around me, devastated but with a hint of respect as if to say: you know what kid! you crashed and burned but you did your best and there is no shame in it. It was at that second I had but a brief moment of relief for i did not stand alone, these were my brethren my brothers and sisters in arms, it was us verses him and though we were crushed in battle, in the war victory is all but ours for we were only tortured and mutilated for that trip but he will smell till the end of his days and that's gotta count for something.
i'll see if i can set the mood for you
I'm sitting there awaiting the string of events to come from that hour trip into the promised lands, at each stop awaiting the new occupants almost trying to will the train that little bit further down the station to benefit the whole train experience. Oh she's pretty, c'mon u can make it, little bit more, that's it, that's i.....arggh DAM IT or oh God no! please no, not the school kids, have you no mercy stop stop ssttooppp!! if you are familiar with the whole city rail expierence you may relate
By this point between the haunting sounds of school children cackling and screaming as 15 year olds do best and the fact that there is not one creature that even remotely resembles that of an attractive human being within eye sight. I decided you know what! I can deal with it! the music in my ears is kicking and i can shut my eyes and all will be well. Right, ha wrong not today for today I repay my debt to society and take one for the team, today the world says you know what Martinez Fuck you!
As I sat there staring out the window trying to make the best out of the situation I couldn't help but look as the train rolled up to the next station and suddenly this over whelming feeling of insecurity began to arise inside of me that in some way, some how something was about to go down. Fear got the best of me in that moment and i just couldn't bare to look. Eyes held shut I feel the seat shifting from the weight of someone or something sitting down, When suddenly it hit me, Like a slap in the face. This horrible, sick nay evil individual
stunk
Yeah that's right! stunk, I guess maybe your a little disappointed huh, probably expecting a man with no head or some nightmare on elm st kinda shit from the build up and maybe your right, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but you know what, you weren't there! you didn't have to endure it! you know not of the demonic presence that filled that carriage on that dreadful morning! so bite me and for the record id take a run at Mr Kruger or share a seat with a headless accountant over what this guy was representing any day of the week.
But more concerning then the smell is the mind numbing anomaly of how?? how at 7:00 in the morning could someone be in such a state of pure evil?? what could he have possibly done? How man, How?
Maybe he was on his way to the station when he bumped into a marathon runner in training in which a heated argument arouse with the runner pulling out his duelling glove and challenging him to a race to the top of death mountain and being a man of honour he had to except?
wow, must be a hell of runner...wait his shoes ain't scuffed at all, I bet he never even ran up death mountain, probably cant even run at all. I have half a mind to slap this mofo for posing as some kinda athlete, pphh thinks hes got the whole world fooled. Ha not me though, Im on to you.....PRICK!
wait!
Maybe he works at the cologne and deodorant store and figures why pay for the merchandise when he can just apply the cologne compliments of the house when he gets to work?
I cant believe this guy, what a tight ass I gotta suffer so he saves himself some money man that's just selfish and stealing as well what a thief,what a selfish tight ass smelly thief.......PRICK!
oh hang on!
There is water restrictions and deodorant can cause damage to the ozone, cant it? maybe hes trying to save the planet, that's decent of him, I mean not driving to work, low on the water usage and ozone friendly like an environmentalist or something......PRICK
To be honest I really don't know what I'm suppose to do in this situation. There is no training for this, they don't teach you this stuff in school, I mean I always carry some back up cologne in my suitcase but i cant just spray it on him without his consent, besides I'm 99% sure his powers are far superior to that of este lauder's for men.
Damn it man you have to try something! So I did. I did what any self respecting citizen would do, in a move of desperation i quickly jump forward into my suitcase and began to spray myself saying loud enough
geez I nearly forgot. a man's gotta take care of his mojo you know
as the guy gives me a forced smile and nod i return with a
this is good stuff though, here you should try some, the ladies will love you.
BOOYAH I'm in, i did it, i actually found away t........No thank you. DAM IT DAM DAM SON OF A BITCH DAM IT TO HELL. I sank in to my seat, Bitter, crushed and defeated! all that was left was stop breathing and welcome the sweet relief of the light at the end of the tunnel.
As I began to turn purple, I begin to notice the faces of those around me, devastated but with a hint of respect as if to say: you know what kid! you crashed and burned but you did your best and there is no shame in it. It was at that second I had but a brief moment of relief for i did not stand alone, these were my brethren my brothers and sisters in arms, it was us verses him and though we were crushed in battle, in the war victory is all but ours for we were only tortured and mutilated for that trip but he will smell till the end of his days and that's gotta count for something.
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